I'm terribly sorry for the several month absence. The best excuse I can come up with is that I've been distracted by life, both wonderful and annoying. Let's just say that I'll get through all of it and life is grand.

At a recent Conspiracy of Venus retreat (my all women's pop choir) up at the American River, it was pointed out to me that I know lots of silly and dirty songs. Yes. I. Do. And I'm very proud of it.

So I figured I'd share some of them with you.

1) "Sit On My Face" by Monty Python. This song was first played for me in High School and I nearly peed my pants it was so funny.

For more, see Python's "The Penis Song".  I do love this one.

2) "Jizz in My Pants" by The Lonely Planet. The song has Justin Timberlake painted all over it, making it pop-tastic.
 

For another Lonely Planet classic, watch "Motherlover" featuring Justin Timberlake. This one of the most hilarious video I've ever seen and features Patricia Clarkson and Susan Sarandon.

3) "Till the Cows Come Home" by Lucille Bogan. Kim Kattari brought this vocalist to my attention. She is astoundingly dirty. I love that this music existed one hundre years ago. It makes even the dirtiest Top Forty tunes seem like church hymns.


For more info on Bogan see this article, and for another insanely dirty awesomeness song see "Shave 'em Dry" with lyrics like:

I got nipples on my titties
Big as the end of my thumb
I got somethin’ between my legs
That’ll make a dead man come.
I f***ked all night And the night before, baby
And I feel like I wanna f*** some more
Oh, grind me honey… and shave me dry

 You're welcome. 

Last night we ended up at funky Jovita's in South Austin for a hodgepodge of music. Even though there were only maybe twenty people in the whole joint, the bands still worked it out for us.

This is The Beaumont from Lubbock. They are not for the un-humored, singing about every hedonistic, R-rated theme you could think of: drugs, Toby Keith being a pretty woman, having an affair with a member of the AARP, mayo as a favorite lubricant, burning churches and every sexual taboo you can think of. These good (?) old boys are not for the faint of heart and easily offended, so of course I was laughing my ass off.

In their cowboy hats, sunglasses and cowboy shirts, these middle-aged dudes could not have been more hilarious, making everyone in the room smile and shake their heads in disbelief. The Beaumont is like Z Z Top on a drinking binge.

This is a snippet of "Money for Drugs" (I took this with my friend's flipcam, pretty good!):





I was pleasantly surprised by Austin based White Dress. It's nice to see more and more powerful women with electric guitars in their hands. Singer-guitarist Arum Rae Valkonen has a versatile voice that spans a range of colors from Billie Holliday to Ann Wilson. Combined with her dirty guitar sound and the badass drumming of Grant Van Amburgh, a Black Keys comparison is unavoidable.

What do you do when someone in front of you farts? What if you're performing in front of hundreds of people? Do you try to ignore it until it passes? Or do you wrinkle up your nose in a super obvious way, and when the song is over elbow your neighbor and give the kid in front of you the stink eye?

Kids are awesome. They can be insanely smart and silly all at the same time.

I was reminded of this, this is evening when I saw the infamous Vienna Boys Choir perform at Grace Cathedral.

(I really don't want to get that kid in trouble, but OMIGOD it was so funny!!)

These guys were so great. My choir of full grown adults should be so lucky as to pull off a concert like this group of kids did tonight, as they probably do every night. I heard not one mistake. They had EVERYTHING memorized. They sang half a dozen languages perfectly. And, of course they sounded amazing. Grace Cathedral was built for this sound.

But watching these consummate professionals, you see that they really are only children between, I'm guessing, the ages of 8 and 13.

I found myself being totally distracted and entertained by their individual personalities. Who was the troublemaker? Who was the shy one? What can I say, I'm a people-watcher, and kids provide the ultimate people-watching experience.

This is what I saw, and some of these kids fit more than one of these descriptions:

• the eye-wanderer - not looking at the conductor, but at everything else.
  
• the yawner - by the second half there were several of these
• the one with the Bieber haircut - yes, they are Austrian, but there still has to be one
• the one who makes funny faces when he sings - all choirs have one
• the one whose voice sticks out - not necessarily in a bad way
  
• the one who keeps forgetting to bow with the rest of the group
  
• the overly animated one - often the one who makes funny faces, often they dance in place
  
• the one with Harry Potter glasses
• the one with funny ears - they're kids, this is a given
• the one who's WAY taller/shorter than everyone else - again, they're kids, it's a given
  
• the one who just looks really Austrian - whatever that means
  

Oh, maybe I should mention some of the music: Palestrina, Bruckner (both my favs), Pergloesi, Zoltán Kodály (they sang in Hungarian!), Orff and yes folks some Michael Jackson. They sang "We Are the World" in Austrian accents and it was adorable.

I just wanted to thank YouTube, the internet and the powers-that-be for giving me this video cover of the "Bed Intruder Song" for Tsugaru Shamisen! This is Mike Penny, and he is badass on this instrument.

If you haven't seen the original yet click here.

Brilliant.

Okay fine, I give in. Theses songs are totally catchy and I totally admit that I can't stop watching/listening to them. I might even download them.

So, according to the New York Times, the "Bed Intruder Song" has made it to the 39th spot on itunes as well as number 89 on the Billboard chats. The Gregory Brothers have split the proceeds of the song with "unintentional singer" Antoine Dodson who is using his money to move his family out of the projects. That might be the best part about this story.

So if you've not seen this yet, watch it. If you've watched it a million times, here it is again: "Bed Intruder Song"



I'm a little late to the game with this one, but this is "Double Rainbow" inspired by this video of a guy freaking out over a double rainbow in Yosemite. It's intense.



I'm finding that you need to have a certain sense of humor to really appreciate the ridiculous awesomeness that is auto-tuning. Musicians, like Ke$ha (article soon to come), have instead of using it to "fix" pitch and instead use it in the open to create pitch.

Love it or hate it, you have to admit that when use right, it's absolutely hysterical.

There has been much discussion on how to keep classical music alive in the 21st century. Opera companies and symphonies are doing all they can to make performances more affordable and appealing to younger people. The movement has been called "Alt Classical."

There are many ways to keep the music alive; and I think humor, awesome dark humor is one of the ways. What about a show poking fun at death and a horrible sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis that took the lives of so many great composers?

Classical Revolution is a national organization that's been popping up all over the country bringing live performance out of the symphony hall and into non-traditional spaces like clubs and restaurants. I wrote about one of these events in San Francisco last December.

This is the manifesto of Classical Revolution PDX:

We love classical music.

We love playing classical music.

We love listening to classical music.

We are tired of the elitist and inaccessible nature of the classical world.

We believe that there are many that would enjoy classical music if they could access it in a setting that is comfortable for them.

We believe classical musicians should be allowed to perform in a setting that is more casual - where the audience is allowed to have a drink, eat a scone, laugh a little, and clap a lot.

We believe everyone can enjoy the music that we love.

A co-worker of mine who lives in Portland is playing "Syphilis Night" tonight with Classical Revolution. It will showcase the music of composers who died of syphilis (including Schubert, Beethoven, Schumann, Wolf, Paganini and Joplin) and will be held at The Woods, a night club/bar that used to be a funeral parlor.

Volunteers will be handing out condoms, and in an email from organizer Mattie Kaiser announced that folks get "extra brownie points for dressing up like a sailor or a prostitute."

I'm sorry, but if this is not the coolest, most awesomely hysterical things you've ever heard, I don't know what is! Mozart would definitely approve. I wish I could get up to Portland for this.

This weekend I'm off to one of the best cities in the country: Austin, Texas. For two days and three nights I'm going to visit my favorite haunts from grad school and eat lots of breakfast tacos. When I lived I immersed myself in the healthy, historical and revved up music scene. I discovered two fabulous bands that the rest of the world should know about: Maneja Beto and the Asylum Street Spankers.

Maneja Beto, self described as "indie in Español," is the brain child of Anthropologist Alex Chavez. I met him in one of my seminars and his band quickly became one of the most unique and fun bands I've ever come across: think Joy Division and Elbow sung in Spanish with latin rhythms. Alex studies Mexican folk music and culture and is also in several other bands in Austin. Percussionist Bobby Garza is equally impressive on vocals and percussion. This is a super fun band to dance live as well.





The Asylum Street Spankers I met during my master's report research into Gospel Bunch in Austin. The research it self is a long story, but it turns out this irreverent, silly band who sings about beer and superheros, is also well versed in gospel favorites. They used to play the Gospel Brunch at La Zona Rosa in the 90s when they first got together. I interviewed Christina Marrs (WOW what a voice!) and percussionist/vocalist Wammo for my research and was lucky enough to catch them while they were doing a whole series of gospel shows at the Saxon Pub.

The musical vibe is traditional vaudeville from the early part of the 20th century with Betty Boop vocals (sometimes) banjos, mandolins and washboard percussion. But the lyrical themes of the tunes poke fun (SUV drivers in support of troops in the Middle East) at life both modern and past and just having a grand old sarcastic fun time. You will laugh your ass off: promise. They tour regularly, so check out their touring schedule.

Note: this band is not for the faint of heart. Language! language! language! (I just discovered a song called "Scrotum".)

Here's a gospel tune...



And a good old favorite...


Anyway, I'm off to eat breakfast tacos, sit in a river with a toob and a six-pack, hang at Barton Springs and sweat my butt off.

You know those moments in a favorite song that you just want to play over and over and over again? And it NEVER gets old? I have favorite songs that never get old, but this is really more specific.

This particular moment has become a joke between my brother and me, and between other friends. Every time I hear it, it makes me happy.

Beck's Midnight Vultures from, 1999, (it's over 10 years old, WOW) has a fabulously silly, funky, energetic vibe all the way through it. It was my favorite CD to cook dinner to while I was living in a co-op in undergrad and now it's great for driving.

My favorite moment? At about 3 minutes in (on this youtube video) there's an instrumental breakdown and Beck screams something that you just can't make out, something like:

Ellaba, mugumweeeYEAAHHHHHH!!

check it out, click to 3 minutes in. Is he actually saying anything?



I know, it's ridiculous. I LOVE IT!

Makes me happy everytime.

I'm celebrating the ninth night of Hannukah with my family tonight, so the part ain't over for me.

This comes from comedian Eric Schwartz

Thanks Boris for posting this!

Since we're all on this Glee/Lady Gaga/Sing Off kick, Bay Area folks will especially appreciate this video of the UC Berkeley men's a cappella group Noteworthy singing Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" with absolutely fabulous entertaining choreography. As of 11:50 PM on December 17, 2009 the video has received 1,072,697 views.

The song features Brian Wang sashaying and singing lead on the verses and Joey Goodknight singing the crap out of the chorus. The performance is from the 9th Annual West Coast A Cappella Showcase on November 13, 2009.

These men deserve some major kudos for dancing with such gusto and channeling their inner divas! GO FOR IT BOYS!

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I love watching the guy climb behind his computer and the chick who doesn't want to be involved.

These circulate every so often. This one has some LP covers that I've never seen before, like the most extraordinary one featured above.

Check out this list of the weirdest but most enticing album covers of all time.

Which one is your fav?

Americans have never really forgotten about race and racism. Individuals in the media try to persuade us that it's getting better here in the United States, but sorry folks, it's still a huge problem. At this moment, turn on your tv, race and racism is at the forefront of the news. Obama shakes it off, dealing with it like the pro we knew he'd be.

Personally, I'd like to see him shake some of these idiots. I'd be happy to do it for him myself.

READ MORE OF MY ARTICLE HERE

Seven years ago I got a job selling tickets for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland. The Fringe has been considered the largest performing arts festival in the world. One of the acts, Tenacious D, had been scheduled, and canceled, even before I started working there. But the act was still listed in the program along with the other several hundred shows we were selling tickets for. Tenacious D was on our short "canceled" list.

For 6 weeks I sold thousands of tickets to people from all over the world who waited in line for hours to get them. I distinctly remember the faces of those few that had not heard that the Tenacious D show had canceled. There weren't many, but their sadness remains with me. They were so disappointed, so I became curious.

As The D gained popularity, I learned to understand why these fans had been so disappointed. Jack Black and Kyle Glass are: THE GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD.

And they have rocked my socks off tonight. What an awesome show.

I was pretty lukewarm about the whole Outside Lands Festival this year. I got a press pass at the last minute and am in between a trip to New York and my first Burning Man experience. I wanted to pace myself. Friday's highlight was seeing Tom Jones, who was downright entertaining. I saw a few other bands, but nothing really worth mentioning.

But then Sunday night came. Tenacious D stepped in a few weeks before the festival after the Beastie Boys canceled their summer tour due to MCA's (Adam Yauch) cancer surgery. I was delighted to hear this marvelous news (other people were not happy, including M.I.A - she didn't realize that the Beastie Boys had canceled and was mouthing off on twitter about it. I'm sorry for you). I would finally be able to experience what I had been wondering about since 2002.

I love musical comedy shows. The Flight of the Conchords show I saw a couple months ago was one of the best shows I've seen this year. One of the things I like so much about these kinds of acts is that the musicianship is topnotch. Kyle Glass is an excellent guitar player. Jack Black has a fabulous, versatile and expressive rock voice.

And what about the musical jokes? Like Kyle playing a solo that ends with him climbing up the scale to sit on the leading tone for what seemed like forever before resolving to the tonic. I'm a music dork, and you know what? That made me laugh.

Tenacious D is lewd, raunchy, foul-mouthed and ridiculous. And I loved every minute of their show.

Jack announced that yesterday was his 40th birthday and that he had never felt better since he had been doing so much yoga. He got down on the ground and did a couple (cock?) push-ups for us. And then announced that he had been practicing "flick flacks." So he cartwheeled off the stage and then flipped back on stage a couple times ending in a hand stand. (Hopefully SOMEONE got that on video!)

What is going on here??

Kyle got pissed at Jack and forced him to bring out the stunt double. Jack yelled at him for ruining the act and Kyle stormed off the stage. So Jack sang "Friendship" and brought him back. They made up. Aw.

What about the robot "Heavy Metal" coming out on stage and doing a choreographed dance with the D? (Pictured below) or a "rock off" with the devil??

So here is a little photo essay. Yes these pictures suck, but I wasn't standing close enough to the stage to get anything worthwhile, so I went nuts taking photos of the giant digital screen. Enjoy.